You Will Want to Help

I just know you will want to help. Once I tell you about them, you will want to join me in helping them. You will feel eager to be God's hands and feet here on earth.
My last post, was almost a year ago. Shortly after that post we moved to another state. I was told there was another family here that had adopted many children with DS, some from over seas. I thought they must be a RR family, who else adopts kids from overseas with DS!! I eventually got their names and contacted the wife, Jane, on Facebook. Indeed, they did have many children with DS, one biological, 3 from U and 3 through domestic adoption. The wife and I messaged back and forth. They did not adopt these kids through RR. They brought their first child with DS from U home in 2001. Before RR.

I should mention this family lives 1 mile down the road from us! We invited them over for pizza one Friday. As soon as her husband, Dave, walked in the door he scooped up Alanna and asked where she was from. I told him U, and he asked what region, I told him K. He said they do mission work, in a level 4 right outside of K, the very institution Alanna would have gone to when she was 4. God is amazing like that, weaving people together. They shared with us that they were starting another adoption to adopt a little girl from that institution. She is 10, and tiny of course, about the size of a 4 year old.
As months went by and we got to know each other I have simply fallen in love with this family. They have a heart for children with DS and for the country of U.
One of the Daulton's biological children has Down Syndrome. Tommy was born in 1984. Of course Down Syndrome changed them, changed their lives and their hearts. Tommy calls himself "the awesome biological child" and indeed he is:) He planted the seed that quickly grew into a passion for Jane and Dave. In 1990 they adopted Ben domestically. Ben and Tommy are the best of friends.

In 1995 they adopted another child with DS. Her parents, a well educated couple from Ethiopia, living in the United States at the time gave their daughter the ultimate gift by finding her a loving family. They knew she would be accepted and have excellent health care and opportunities she would not have in their home country.
In 1998 sweet Daniel became part of the Daulton crew. Precious boy with blonde hair and blue eyes, Stuck in the hospital with health problems, his new parents diligently by his bedside. Daniel was able to come home for 10 months before going to heaven. The Daultons loved him fiercely. This was the second son they had lost. One of their biological sons had passed away suddenly and tragically at the age of 4. Some would have grown stone hearted, but not Jane and Dave. The tears for their boys are always close to the surface of their eyes, but they carry on. In 1999, they did their final domestic adoption, Lani joined the Daulton crew. Ignorance about DS does not just happen in other countries. Lani had been neglected by the very people who should have helped her grow.
I really should mention that Dave is an adoption attorney. He has helped many families adopt children domestically and from varying countries. Some with DS. Jane and Dave have a heart for mission work as well, and in 1998 they asked a question that I believe opened the door for orphans with DS in Ukraine. While doing mission work for his organization SENSE, in Ukraine and assisting people adopt, they asked "where are the children with Down Syndrome?" "Nooone would want them", was the answer they were given. Jane and Dave said "we would" And so started their journey to their first adoption in Ukraine.
You would never guess who their facilitator was! A missionary had taken several young people on to train them in adoption and how to do business with Westerners. One of those young women,Yulia, would go on to be one of the best. I say Yulia had to of been a child herself back then. Now Yulia will tell you that her heart has been changed by these children. Thanks to the Daultons and the many Reeces Rainbow families that she has facilitated adoptions for.

They committed to 2 little boys, those little boys are now Jack and Philip. When they got to Ukraine, however, the boys' paperwork was not ready. There had been a miscommunication. They were told to go to another region, that they had children with Down Syndrome who were registered. They did, and they brought home Anya from Vorzel. From what I've heard Anya chose them, she was not a wall flower. To this day Anya is spunky, a typical teenage girl in everyway. Anya has traveled back to Ukraine twice with her parents on missions trips. What better way to show U the potential all children have.
They went back in October 2001 to bring home Jack and Philip. With them they took equipment for the children with special needs, something they have continued to do through the years. Jack was able to come home, Philip still had a paperwork hold up, and they would go back for him in June of that very same year. Both boys were 4, and Philip was set to be transfered to the institution, but the Daultons begged, and they kept Philip at the baby house till they could get back for him.
Of course they said they were done adopting. They went on helping others adopt from near and far. While being interviewed on CBN, Jane was asked what her goal was. She said, "to change the heart of a country." Between Jane and Dave, they have made over 25 trips to Ukraine. Their non-profit Father's Heart, continues to work with children with special needs, and to educate Ukraine about Down Syndrome. Dave and Jane introduced Pastor Sasha of www.almazgo.com to the plight of special needs orphans. Pastor Sasha, his wife and their church family has a passion for orphans and has been working with them for years. Now that they know more about the orphans with special needs, they have decided to partner with Father's Heart, to continue missions with special needs orphanages. You can read about their last mission trip this past summer here: http://almazgo.com/news/summer-2012/ Together they hold conferences to help educate and equip parents, health care professionals, churches, etc... in Ukraine. At their last conference they had over 200 people from Russia, Ukraine, and Belarus.
You can read about one of their conferences here http://www.fathersheartorphanministries.com/pdf/2011%20Ukraine%20Conference%20Program%20in%20pdf.pdf
The institution they are adopting from this time is one that they have worked with many times. The director has an open heart, and together they have greatly improved the conditions there. They pray that they will become an example for other facilities of children with special needs.
The Daultons have met the sweet girl they are adopting. They intended to adopt 2 girls, both they have met several times while on missions trips. There was a problem with the second girl's paperwork. They cannot adopt her. She is not registered, and it is not possible to get her registered quickly. Her baby orphanage did not register her, she was seen as unwanted, not even given a chance.
The Daultons need to raise about 12,000 in 5 days. WE can do this. Dave and Jane have poured so much into their children and into missions. I could not stand to think that we, God's people, would not rise up for them.
Go here to make a tax deductible donation:
http://reecesrainbow.org/?s=daulton

Almost 2 years Old!

I can't believe I haven't blogged in 2.5 months. Actually I can, because I thought of it often, just never did it.
In un-Alanna news, we are moving!! As in RIGHT now we are moving. We are PCSing to Langley AFB, VA. I am so excited. That has always been at the top of my list.
We are in between places right now. Trying to buy a house. Just LOTS going on.

Of course what you came here for Ms Alanna.
I cannot believe my baby will be 2 in a couple weeks! She has grown so much in the barely 8 months that we have had her. To think she didn't know how to smile, laugh, reach up to be held, cry for attention, etc...

Let's see, how about a Stimming Update first!
I realized it had gotten much better, but I didn't realize HOW, much better till my FIL said to me the other day "she doesn't hit herself in the head anymore does she?"
Well, she does, but I would say about mmm, maybe 10-15% as much as she used to. No joke! She did become obsessed with bouncing the back of her head off the couch cushions for several months, but that has eased up quite a bit.
I contribute this mostly to her knowing to come to me when she wants something so she is  not as stressed as before. Also, she is just too busy! She went from having little interest in toys, unless we sat them right in front of her and played with her to her dragging out all her toys to play everyday, for lengthy periods of time.
My goodness, as a I typed that tears run down my face. She is no longer trapped inside her little neglected body, too emotionally neglected to know how to deal with things. She is so full of life now!
People who have down syndrome are know for not liking change and she def displayed this when we went on a little trip just her and I to Ohio to visit my sister and my new nephew. First she had a little stomach bug, but then she was just all over the place emotionally. Refusing to eat, screaming at even the sight of food, every meal except the one she slept through was spent with her screaming.
She does display some self harm behavior when she gets upset, which tears at me. She will scratch and pry at her mouth, she pulled her own hair, etc...
The minute we were back home, she was back to her old self. Like someone flipped a switch!

I know that trip was hard for her, most likely combined with the stomach bug she had. But we are always on the go, so I think the best thing is just to keep her as used to it as we can. We have been at my inlaws for a week now, and she is doing really well.

I'll post a few pics and update more the next couple days.

21 Months Old!

My Lanna girl is 21 months old today. It makes me sad she is getting big too fast. The changes I see in her are amazing to me. Every single one makes me so emotional.
She is exploring her environment sooo much more. She crawls all over the house. We used to have to put her toys in front of her. Now she goes over and picks out the ones she wants and drags them over to play. She is starting to have a sense of humor. She has her favorite Baby Signing Times DVD and when I put it in she gets so excited.

She's getting a little sense of humor. She likes to hear me laugh, so she gives me this big cheesy smile. It cracks me up everytime. I looove it. She does it to other people to like her therapists. Little Ham.
She is pulling up on everything and cruising! She signs eat. She says Mama!! (not regularly but at times)
Her favorite place to be is in my lap. She pulls to be picked up then turns her little self around to sit down. We had friends over watching a movie and she sat in my lap the whole time.
When she got restless in church service this past Sunday I went and took her to the 2 year old (the 1 year old room was empty, I guess everyone turned 2) Normally this would just trigger a lot of stimming. The room was packed. She crawled right over to the toys and pulled some toys off the shelf to play with. I was so proud and happy for her!
This morning she crawled into the dining room, normally she goes in there to lick the chairs, haha. I could hear her, I didn't hear any stimming just babbling. A couple minutes later I went in there and this is what I found

My Smart Head Banger

This chick is too smart. Her favorite stims have to do with her head, mostly hitting the side of her forehead. Sometimes very hard, mostly when she is tired or something is wrong. Her new stim. (overall her stimming has lessened) is bouncing her head off the couch. She sits with her back to the couch and bangs/bounces the back of her body off the couch cushions. If she is in front of the arm of the couch it is hard and she cries, then scoots over to where the cushions are, LOL. She tests banging her head on other surfaces, like walls, tables, floor, but she does it very slowwly and only once then she decides, nope that will hurt. Thank God!! I let her bounce her head off the couch because it's much better than any other surface!!

A Few Of Her Favorite Things

It's somewhat challenging to find toys that are easy enough for Alanna to manipulte in a manner that will keep her attention. So I thought maybe you guys might want to see some of her favorites and maybe your kiddos would enjoy them as well.

I picked this up at a nice toy store, I think it was 12.99, they have it on Amazon for a couple bucks cheaper. I love amazon! You fill it up with water, there are little floating fish. She can hear and see the water splash as she hits it, she loves it.

http://www.amazon.com/Earlyears-Fill-Fun-Water-Mat/dp/B000E82WRM/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314401898&sr=1-1

Another favorite is her Leapfrog activity table. I love any Leap Frog products, they are well made and engage the children well.

http://www.amazon.com/LeapFrog-Learn-Groove-Musical-Table/dp/B000ETRENI/ref=sr_1_1?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1314401983&sr=1-1


This ball popper toy, she loves!! What kid wouldn't. But we have to be right there to pick up the balls that pop out and to push the button to make it go, it is too hard for her. She knows to push buttons, but this one is too hard.
http://www.amazon.com/Hasbro-8490-Playskool-Busy-Tumble/dp/B000GB4EAA/ref=pd_sim_t_37

Apartly if you are that determined, you can buy this modified one.
For a hefty price of course.

http://www.amazon.com/Enabling-Devices-Adapted-Air-tivity-Popper/dp/B004XJ4MX0/ref=sr_1_68?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1314402591&sr=1-68

We have a regular Fisher Price xylophone, but she doesn't hold onto the stick to wack it. This one she I linked to she loves!! The keys are very easy to make go down, and it's fairly loud.  

http://www.amazon.com/Little-Tikes-Baby-Tune-Piano/dp/B001QXDIVS/ref=sr_1_17?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1314402350&sr=1-17

I'm not sure what this toy is called. But it's for young babies to lay under and hit and play with the toys. She loves going In things, so she goes under it and places, or rocks back and forth.

She loves this Baby Einstein Ball.

http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Einstein-30974-Bendy-Ball/dp/B001UF8BL4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1315360267&sr=8-1

And this ball popper, it is easy enough for her to push down. She has another one just like it that she can't do.
http://www.amazon.com/Hasbro-8490-Playskool-Busy-Tumble/dp/B000GB4EAA/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1315360356&sr=8-12

Her number one favorite toy is her Johnny Jump Up, I picked it up at a consignment store for 12.00, the BEST 12.00 ever spent.
It is great for her sensory needs. The things she does in there are amazing! She sticks one foot to the floor then uses the other to go around and around, then lifts her legs to spin around. etc...
She is outgrowing it. I have been looking at indoor swings, does anyone have one they love?
I highly recommend the Johnny Jump Up with the tray, it provides a little buffer between them and the doorway.
Like this one

http://www.amazon.com/Graco-Bumper-Jumper-Little-Jungle/dp/B000WJLKQM/ref=pd_sbs_ba_1

What are your kids' favorite toys?

Eye Appointment

Alanna's eyes cross. They both cross in, but not necessarily at the same time or to the same degree, and not all the time. The doctor looked at her eyes, he agreed "yes, I do think they are crossing" mmmk.
So they gave her the drops to dialate her eyes, we waited 20 minutes then he took a lense and a light to look and check for refraction to see if she is farsighted. None of which she appreciated.
He explained all kids are far sighted, but kids with with disabilities such as Down Syndrome are more prone to it. He said the plan would be for her to wear glasses all the time. Until sometime when she is 5,6,7, 8, or so she will outgrow the farsightedness. Her eyes are crossing in an effort to see, so supposedly the crossing will stop with the glasses because she will be able to see.
He said he wanted to see her back in 1 month. Of course there is an eye shop attached to his office, so he gave us a coupon and sent us on our way. They tried 2 pairs of glasses on her, both metal frames, which seemed very unrealistic to me, the glasses will be over 200.00 and I can see her reaching up and breaking those in about 10 seconds flat. So I am researching our options.
As I was about to leave the room, the docotor says he wants to ask me something personal. "Why in the world would you want to adopt a 4th child when he already have 3" (he had asked earlier if she was my only child) My big response was "because we wanted to, and we could, so we did"
I did not get the vibe this is what he wanted to ask me, I think what he was getting at was why did you adopt a child with special needs when you have children already. He went on to say he just didn't understand, etc... Why would anyone want so many children? He said he had 3 and that my kids must just be better behaved than his because it was hard. To which I said "must be, my kids are pretty amazing"

www.solobambini.com
www.miraflexglasses.com
www.tomatoeye.com
www.specs4us.com



Other useful sites

http://leahlefler.hubpages.com/hub/Kids-Glasses-Choosing-Eyeglasses-for-Childrens


http://littlefoureyes.com/photo-gallery/

18 month Check Up

Alanna had her 18 month check up several days ago. Yes, she is almost 20 months. My intention was to make her 18 month appt when we moved so it could be her first appt with her new Dr but of course we never moved.
Alanna is amazingly healthy. Her heart diagnosis that we recieved overseas was an extra chord (no big deal, like an extra finger). And a small hole that has closed up, no murmur can be heard. But I really wanted her checked out just to give her the all clear on her heart, so she has an appt for an ECHO next Friday.
I find it interesting that both times I've taken her to the dr. for her routine check ups they hand me the same sheet they hand me when I take my other children. This just seems odd to me. I'm not overly sensitive, trust me, but couldn't there be an alternative with real information on children who have Down Syndrome? Does everyone's elses doctors do it the same way?
Also, I had read about the Down Syndrome Growth Chart. Our children with designer genes tend to be smaller, so there is a custom growth chart. The doctor didn't refer to that, he used the typical growth chart. Again, it does not offend me, but as a mother wouldn't I want to know how my child is doing in comparison to children like her. Again, I'm not seperating her. But how would you feel if you took your child to the doctor and they used a growth chart for children with Down Syndrome. Would that tell you anything about their development?
My Lanna girl is 90th percentile on height
                            50th percentile on weight
                    and  75th for head cirmcumference
That is on the Down Syndrome Scale, I forget what the dr said about the typical scale.
The Down Syndrome Scale can be found here www.growthcharts.com

I'm going to do another post on our ENT visit and see what you guys have to say about that, I love others input.

She goes to PT once a week, both myself and the PTs agreed this was adequate, she is very strong for a child with Down Syndrome and I work with her at home as well. She will be starting OT with an a lady out of her home soon. There is very limited resources in our area for pediatric PT and OT, it is shocking really. My girls see some great PTs but it was like pulling teeth to get them access at first. I only found out about the OT through someone else who goes to her.

Alanna does not handle the immunizations well. (please don't start an immunization debate on my blog, there are other places for that) I only allow them to give her several at a time and she still runs a low grade fever after and sleeps the next day away. We woke her up from her nap after she'd been sleeping for 5.5 hours!!

Photo Shoot

Reeces Rainbow wanted a recent picture of my pumpkin pie (my son Cooper says I need to stop calling her that because she is going to think I'm going to eat her!
So, I put her in a cute outfit I had bought before we even brought her home and tried to take some pictures. She was not feeling well, and was not cooperating. Really, a 19 month old not ready and willing to perfectly pose for the camera??!! But I love capturing even her cranky moods.
Here are a couple of my favorites:

A Video!

My Lanna Girl, is starting to big girl crawl!! I think the technical term is 4 point crawl, but since she doesn't like to put that knee down, I think right now it's more of a 3 point crawl!

I'm Baaaaaack!

Sorry I've been gone so long. The week I was having last month when we found out that we were not moving, got worse when I found out that hubby would not be able to take leave (for a really stupid reason) for our trip to OH. Even though we weren't moving there we still had a trip planned to go visit friends and family. So I did what any crazy mother of 4 children would do, and decided to go anyways, without hubby.
People repeatedly either asked me if I was crazy or told me I as brave, which I think concludes that I am little of both, OK maybe there's a little more crazy in there than brave.
But truly I would have never done it by myself if Alanna wasn't the easiest baby ever. She is just so easy going, loving, and quite predicable. Always sleeping through the night, always eating just about everything and anything, she is so easy in public, just taking in the scenery!
We went to a large amusement park for the day. It was us Mommas with all the little ones, while the only Dad went with the big ones. We were there from 10:30-10:00 And she was so into what was going on she didn't sleep at all ALL day! Around 9, she fell asleep for about 30 minutes, then woke up and continued her day! With any of my other kids, I would have found a somewhat peacful spot to get them to sleep. But she was so happy there was really no need to do that.
My favorite thing right now is that she smiles and laughs so much more, and we don't always have to do something like tickle her to get her to do it. She becomes more interactive each day, but she can also play peacefully on the floor by herself.
She still loves doing hand motions with songs, and her massage. When I say "fingers" she puts both her hands out!
She is just the sweetest little thing.
Stimming Update:
The stimming is still there. The variety of stimming has lessened, which I am hopeful is a good sign. However her one stim of choice right now, is hitting her self, Hard, with her open palm on the side or her head. She does it so hard she makes herself cry. I don't like it!! Pulling her hand down does not work. However me laying my hand on her head so she is hitting my hand rather her head seems to be working to lessen it. But of course I have to be right there to do that.

Leaps and Bounds

Alanna is doing great! And that is not just a sugar coated update. Her stimming has gotten so much better. Especially in overwhelming environments, I've noticed her looking around and taking things in rather then just hitting herself in the head. What I really love is she will look at something for a minute, then look at me, like "are you seeing what I'm seeing? Is this all OK?"
She is very attached to me. She seeks out my attention first and foremost. She will crawl up to me and pull on me to pick her up. And she will yell and at me if I walk through the room and don't stop to pick her up. I was sick with a stomach bug one day last week, so my husband took care of her all day. The next morning when I finally emerged from my bed, when she saw me she started whimpering and crawling toward me as fast as she could.
She will still stick her hands out to anyone for them to hold her. But I'm her number one choice! Momma loves that!

And, last weekend she pulled up!! And she has been doing it ever since. I was sitting having my coffee and reading blogs. One minute she was playing on the floor the next she was standing holding onto the couch next to me. I screamed "Oh My Gosh, Gary GET THE CAMERA!!" But make sure my face is not in the picture since I just woke up, ha!
She loves to play peek a boo, and anything that even remotely resembles a blanket she tries to put on her head to play. She loves to take her bib off too, so in these pictures she had pulled her bib off and tried to play peek boo. She forgot it was there and started eating again.

She is growing so fast. I don't think she has gained any weight because she is always on the go. But she has certainly grown in length because she has grown out of most of her 12 month clothes and sleepers. 

Grrr, for real?!

Not all of you know me in real life. So you may not know that we are military, well my hubby is so that means we are. And we were due to PCS (move) this summer. We had orders (official paperwork) with a report no later than date (the day he has to report there) of August 1st. Our movers were scheduled for July 14th the kids and I were leaving here June 30th to go to some family events. Because see were had orders to Wright AFB in Dayton, OH, 4 hours from my family, 1 hour from my best friends family.
My husband's boss recieves the news Friday afternoon, the position has been deleted, the job no longer exists, our orders are canceled. Military family nightmare come to life! What the 29744780q8423 oh oops let me try again $&%&^*. Whatever LOTS of bad words!!

NOOOOO. We had a lease signed with half an acre 3400 sq feet. My sister is due with her first baby in October. Officers normally move every 3-4 years. Robins AFB is our bermuda triangle, does anyone know we are still here, does anyone know where here is? We have been here 4.5 years. That's 2 extensions worth, my children are growing roots here, it scares me.

And we rent the home we live in now, we will find out Monday if we have to move out of it, because since we were moving, they found new tenants.

We don't know when we will get new orders, they say not till spring. Not sure if that's for sure or not. Couldn't find a whole lot out because we go the news on a Friday afternoon.

I am soooo thankful we hadn't bought a house where we are going, can you imagine? Yes, I know this could be way worse, as we reminded our children when we broke the news to them. My hubby has a job, etc... But man, does this stink.......

Disclaimer: yes, I know God has plan, yes I trust that. I am always up for an adventure. My human issue is I am not patient and I hate not knowing what is happening next. I make the ideal military wife, at 3 years I want to know where we are going and when, I'm ready!

NOT that kind of Swinging!

Oh, my. So, I was looking at my stats this afternoon on blogger. It will tell you all kinds of things about your blog, like now people get to it. Such as links from other peoples blogs, facebook, and what words people have googled that lead them to your blog.
So when I read that 3 people had come to my blog by googling, "swinging for the first time"
My mind said "why would someone google that?" How many people google about someone swinging for the first time. Then it hit me, sorry I can be a little slow.
NOT that kind of swinging.
If you typed that as a google search and ended up here, maybe God is trying to tell you exactly how far off the target you are.

My Disclaimer

A lot of times when an adoptive parent writes a post like I did yesterday they will get a nasty comment on their blog, something to the effect of, maybe you should not have adopted if you can't handle it, etc....
Then the person has to post a disclaimer, something to the effect of, I love this child, they are mine, I do not regret adopting them, etc..... Basically defend themselves. Why do have to do that? If a new birthmom is crying becuase she's having a hard time breastfeeding her newborn, or if a birhmom posts about their son with ADHD and how frustrating her day was, do we say to her, maybe you should not have had that child, NO!
I love my Lanna girl to the moon and back, there's your disclaimer.

Another thing I love is my online adoptive Mommy friends. What a huge resource of support of knowledge. As soon as one Mom found out I was upset about the stimming she offered to call me right away and lend her knowledge. It is like therapy talking to another Momma who can understand, truly I felt renewed.
So many different opinions came pouring in. I love different opinions!
Just a FEW of the things that helped me have a new percpective yesterday:
Alanna seeks out my love and attention, this is not typical of a child with autism
Brooke sharing that her adult brother with DS has always stimmed. Now he has a toothbrush that he lightly taps against his hand.
Another DS Momma sharing that her daughter stimms.
Those are just a few, everyone's comments, prayers, etc.... were so helpful. I have been holding in my worried for several weeks, I should not have done that, it was eating me up.
I had several Mommas thank me for posting it, saying they had either dealt with it or are dealing with it and were afraid to post about it.
That should not be the way we feel. The number one audience reading these blogs are other adoptive parents or hopeful adoptive parents. Why can't we be honest about our struggles. Doesn't it help us and others?
Alanna did not feel well yesterday, I'm sure that is why she was stimming soooo much, and it was just the straw that broke the Momma's back, you know how that is if your a Momma. This morning she is back to being herself, With lots of interaction and lots of stimming!! As long as we have the interaction I am a Momma with a happy heart.

Stimming makes me cry

Feeding Alanna breakfast ended with me in tears. No matter what I did, how many times I called her name, tickled her, squeezed her hand, played airplane with the spoon, etc.... she would not make eye contact and she would not stop stimming. Hitting herself in the head, growling, hitting herself under the chin, flapping her hands, staring out of the corner of her eyes at her hand.
Let me rewind to Gotcha Day. When they handed her to me, she would not look at me, she simply diverted her eyes up, to the side, etc... anywhere except to me. She hit herself in the head and growled. "She's acting like she's autistic" I thought in my head. It scared me, I'm not going to lye. And as Serge asked me if we wanted to adopt her, I said yes, with a huge smile, when in my mind I was thinking, "I don't know, is she in there?" Maybe that behavior is normal for a 16 month old with Down Syndrome.
Whew, this is hard to type about the child I love so dearly, the child I can barely stand to be away from for several hours, the child who rarely ever sits in a stroller because I love to carry her around in my arms, close to me.
That night I layed in bed, exhausted from the crazy ride to our region and our 10 minute meeting with our new daughter. I remember thinking, I can't do this, we will just tell Serge we can't do this, we will just go home, she is so young and cute, she will get adopted by another family for sure, a family more equipped to deal with autism. Why did God even lead us to adopt such a young child, we wanted to adopt a 3-4 year old. We could have saved a child from being sent to the institution. I prayed and fell asleep.
The next morning I felt better, and of course after another visit with her I was in love, she made eye contact, played with toys, etc... She was still stimming and growling, but she was certainly in there. And those behaviors aren't unusual for a child who has spent their lives in an orphanage with no stimulation.
The stimming seemed to get better for awhile not as much hitting herself in the head, when we met her she had rough spots on her head from hitting herself so much. But she has added more stimming behaviors that we didn't see before.
She hits herself under her chin with the tips of her fingers
She flaps her fingers
She smacks herself hard in the face, I hear this when she wakes up in the morning and when she is trying to go to sleep at night
She rocks violently back and forth in her exersaucer
She never used to stim violently when I layed her down to bed. Now she does, and she sits up and rocks and hits her head on the crib, and she gets up on all fours and rocks really hard back and forth. I liked it much more when she layed there and sucked her thumb till she fell asleep. I just recently discovered she was stimming to go to sleep. From now on I will be holding her till she goes to sleep then laying her down.
It took a long time for her to respond to her name, but not only her name and sound being made would not make her turn. Yes, we do have a hearing test scheduled.
Now she does turn once in a while when we say her name. Sometimes not at all and sometimes only after we say it a couple times.
She is smart. She will not clap on her own, but she will pick up my hands and put them together so I will clap. She plays Peek-a-Boo, but she has no reaction to it, but I assume she likes it, because she puts things like birp clothes or shirts over her head to play. She never laughs in response to something, only to things physical like tickling.
I'm describing all this so I can input from other parents.

When we take her places, of course the stimming gets worse, because there's so much more going sensory input. I've noticed it makes people uncomfortable. They stare. Sometimes they ask why she is hitting herself, or growling. They will say hi but she diverts her eyes, and pull back her hand when they touch her. So they never ask to hold her. People have said things to her like "why are staring at your hand" "what are you staring at" "she must see something we don't", etc....

Yesterday was a good day, we had Drs appts to go to and she did not stim nearly as much as she usually does when we are out. But she is making up for it this morning. After feeding her breakfast I put her on the floor in the living room and I went into the kitchen to cry and to make my coffee. When I looked in on her she was rocking back and forth hitting herself over, and over, and over. I called her name, but of course she was in her own little world.
When I sat down on the couch with my coffee she crawled over and put her hands up to be picked up.
We work with her face to face for hours everyday. Playing, singing songs, doing hand motions. I have some deep massage I've been doing, which she normally does not stim through, this morning she did though.
I don't know if she's autistic. But it scares me so much, why, because I don't want her to be stuck inside herself. Noone wants their child to not respond to them.

First Time Swinging

While we were in Huntsville visiting hubby's family this past weekend we took the kids to the park, it was Alanna's first time. I was hesitant to try her in the swing, because she doesn't like things like being lifted up over our head, she freaks out. She freaked out the first time, then it was pure joy.

Yep, our 7 year old fits into the baby swing still, and he thinks it's funny.

Our handsome Cody

Anastasia flying high

  I swear swear this baby  is the most beautiful thing ever!

How do you choose a child?

I see people ask this question on the RR forum. My only answer is God tells you. Sometimes it's progressive, sometimes it's sudden. When we lost Ella, we did not know how we would choose another child. We actually committed to a different child before Alanna. And right after we did we heard God, saying "that is not your child" The next day, I let Andrea know that we needed to change our minds. I felt silly.
Many of us RR Moms know how it feels to see a child that we think fits into what we imagine for our family or what we think we can handle, the age that we think is right, etc.... But God is telling us no. Then we see the family that committs to the child, and we know why. It is so obvious that is their child, that God chose for them.
One of the children we considered, (she is not the one we momentarily committed to), is sweet little Angie. Look at her family!! She looks like she was meant for them, love how God does that!
They are hosting a giveaway to help them raise the needed funds to adopt not Angie, but Neal also!!
Please consider going to their blog and making a donation to help them bring home their God choosen children.
I mean who doesn't want an Ipad2 or a 500.00 Amazon giftcard!!
http://jenkinschasingrainbows.blogspot.com/2011/05/enter-to-win.html?spref=fb

The Honeymoon is Over/Honesty Post

Not for Alanna, for Anastasia. Overall she is adjusting so well to having a little sister, and having the attention shift from her, as our youngest on the timeline. (she is not the youngest our bios are 10 and 7, we adopted Anastasia 2 years ago and she is 9 now) She has only had one fit since us bringing Alanna home, a huge difference from before. She hasn't shown any jealousy. Well, Daddy was out of town for work this week and there is a lot of talk about our upcoming move. So of course, some sort of odd behaviour is to ensue. I will ask her something simple, like, "what do you want on your hot dog? *Blank Stare* "Anastasia there is no reason for you not to be answering me, what do you want on your hotdog?" She answers so softly I can't hear. Seriously!! This scenario repeated itself over and over all week. It's especially frustrating when she does it in front of other people, because it doesn't make any sense. I did call her out on it, and informed her that if she continued she would serve a punishment.
So tonight my husband let me rest while he took the baby and one child to go pick up pizza and prescriptions. When I woke up, my husband had told me about something that had occured while I was sleeping, something that was not a huge deal, but she had done it in order to get her dessert ASAP. It was a rule that her and I had discussed many times, but Daddy was not aware of. Big NO NO, don't play one parent off of another. So my husband and I called her into the living room to talk to her about it. Something she was not pleased about. She came, muttering under her breath the whole way. "Anastasia, what are you saying I can't hear you?" She says "I didn't say anything" "Anastasia I heard you, what were you saying?" "I wasn't saying anything Mommy reaaaallllyyyyy!" Both my husband and I asked her, same response. Then she said " I don't know what I was saying, I was talking so low, all I could hear was blah, blah, blah"
Anastasia think about what you are doing before you do it, you are lying, and you make no sense, this is your last chance to tell Mommy and Daddy what you said. "You never believe me, I'm telling the truth, I don't know what I said"
This is the 3rd time we have had this situation in the past week. The first was when my husband asked her not to do something and she did it anyways. It was not something that was a bad behavior just something he did not want her to do right then. She looked right at him and did it anyways. Then he asked her why she did it. Her response, "I didn't do it on purpose" It was not something you do on accident, she was 2 feet in front of him. She repeated over and over and stood her ground that she did not mean to do it.
So guess what my experienced, adoptive veteran Momma did, I sent her to bed. I just could not deal with it. I had a long week on my own with the kiddos, usually it goes smoothly this week, not so much, I am exhausted and just didn't feel like dealing with that behavior. When people say they admire me, I don't understand why. I am NOT the perfect parent. And I admit to you, that I am better at parenting some of my children than others. Adoptive parenting does not mean we have all the answers sometimes it means we ask God why he thought we were equipped to do this?
And let me tell you, for all adoptive parents, parenting an adoptive child is hard. If you have not done it you would not understand. Also let me tell you this, most adoptive kiddos who have behavior problems, do not have them for other people. Most behaviors are directed at the adoptive mothers, it's psychological, and somedays I handle it better than other days.
I am trying my hardest to be honest here. Several of my dearest adoptive friends have manned up and been honest about their struggles on their blogs. I had made the decision I would either be honest or stop blogging. These blogs are here for us to support each other. I realize it's like a reality sitcom to some, but to us adoptive parents, it is essential that we be honest with each other. Most of us feel pressured into making people think that we don't struggle. I find that I'm comfortable talking to people about struggles with my bio kids, but not my adoptive, because people will judge, like I've failed, or like I don't love her, etc... That's not the case, it's just real life we are living. And there are real people, really good parents, who are struggling and feel like they have nowhere to go, people with much bigger behaviors to deal with than us. We need to support each other.

Slow and Steady Gets You to Kirovograd

and it is just as scary as getting there FAST.
Soo, after our SDA appt. We sat and had lunch with our facilitators. Walter was starving, but according to the "alignment of the stars..etc" he was not supposed to eat anything much, so he kept ordering tea and soup. And the man talked, A LOT. Very knowledgable about Ukrainian history. And he kept going back to being prepared because something unexpected was going to happen today, you know, because of the planets, err stars, etc 
So we walk around the area a bit. Then out of nowhere Walter declares he is too tired to continue, and too tired to drive us back to our apartment. So he wants to flag us down a taxi. We tell him we will walk back to our apartment. We part ways, he calls to check to make sure we make it back, he is a very sweet man, but odd.
So, guess who is assigned to drive us to our region? Yep, Walter. And guess who doesn't know how to get there? And guess who borrows a GPS from a friend but can't figure out how to use it. And guess who is supposed to pick us up at 3 am and we have to call and wake him up at 4 am.
So finally he gets there to pick us up a little after 4. We drive about a mile down the road and he pulls over to ask someone where a gas station is. Umm, what? We haven't even left Kiev yet, you don't know where you are? And you're driving us 4.5 hours to our region? We get gas, he pulls over, at least 3 more times to ask directions and we get on the "freeway" And we are driving, in the dark, at 30 mph, everyone else is driving, like Ukrainians/Russians. I AM SCARED. And we are pulling over and asking for directions EVERYTIME he sees someone on the side of the road. Everytime he changes CDs or answers the phone he pulls over to the side. Then he swerves into oncoming traffic, going 30 mph. I start crying. So my husband texts our facilitator to call Walter and check on him.
And he does 2 hours later. And we are pulling over at least once a mile. I'm not kidding, to ask for directions. I'm not convinced we are anywhere near where we need to go, and I think we may end up in Russia. We get to Kirovograd, 7 hours later. 3.5 hours longer than it takes the other drivers.
On the way back to Kiev we requested Walter not drive us, I just couldn't take it again. We had our cab driver from our region drive us, he was 50.00 cheaper, and a super skilled driver. That drive was equally as scary. I felt like we were in a video game the way he drove those roads, weaving in and out of traffic. But that is what we are used to when it comes to our Ukrainian/Russian drivers.
We did see Walter again. He drove us to our Embassy appt. We were 45 minutes late. Just so you know, you can call the embassy and let them know you are running late, it was not a big deal. You know, just in case you end up having Walter drive you.
We love Walter, he's part of our story, and unlike anyone we've ever met over there.

You gotta tell me these things

Like when I name a post "The Rabbit and the Hare" Kids eat brain cells, so I don't have many left. So fixed it, except I couldn't wrap my brain around how to spell tortoise, or whatever, ugh