It has come to my attention that some people feel lead to judge us due to the fact that
1.we committed to another child so fast
2. that our new child has DS
Some of our family and friends seem to have no faith in me. Some of my family and friends act like they don't know. Like they don't know my heart, and that my family is of utmost importance.
So, although I don't feel like I need to explain, I will. Because I like our story and I think it's important.
How Did I First Become Interested In Learning about Down Syndrome? Oh, well since you asked, let me tell you!! Over 2 years ago, I ran into this bloghttp://thebalsisfamily.blogspot.com/ This is my sweet cyber friend Bethany's blog. She had adopted from St. Petersburg Russia and at the time we were in process of adopting Anastasia, I was obsessed with reading blogs. When I clicked on her blog, I found more than just an adoption blog, I found a blog about a family who had a beautiful little girl who happened to have DS, and they went all the way to Russia and adopted another precious angel who also happened to have DS. They are 2 of the most precious children ever, ( as is her son also) This was new to me, I knew little about DS and little about DS adoption.
It was her blog, that lead me to Reeces Rainbow. So know not only was I following many Russian adoption blogs, but also adoption blogs about families adding children with DS, and for many of them they were adding more to their own biological. I saw what a blessing these children were.
I followed her blog and she followed my adoption blog while we adopted Anastasia.
Then we brought Anastasia home, and I was very busy, happily so, training up our new child.
Then my husband Deployed This was over a year ago. I spent many hours on Reeces Rainbow. Looking at children and reading adoption blogs. The majority of which were about childre with DS. I had talked to Gary about if he would ever consider adopting a child with DS, he said probably not. OK Every once in a while I would send him pictures of a little girl I thought was cute. Every one of those girls got a family. I might add we were not even thinking about adopting any time soon. Then there was a little girl that went by the name "Dawn" well, a baby actually, with mild CP. Our Ella! We were comfortable with CP. I continued to show hubby picture of Ella. I asked him again about DS, again he said no. But yet I looked at all the waiting children, over and over. Then hubby came home, and shortly after they posted new pictures of Ella, she had just turned 2. We had baby fever, we were comfortable with CP, we kept looking at her picture and we committed to adopt her. Our hearts were in it, totally I don't want to lead anyone to believe otherwise.
Mother's intuition is a gift from God, and I believe in it. The entire time we were committed to Ella, I felt guarded, very guarded. I did not buy anything. I did not get anything ready. I made sure to tell the kids over and over again that Ella could be adopted by someone else and that then we would have to adopt a different baby. We knew this could happen. But why did my heart focus on it? And why did Cooper's heart focus on it? My 6 year old brought up again and again, I hope nooone else adopts her, over time it lead to him saying he thought someone else would adopt her!!
God's Timing, it's not ours, and that is what makes it perfect!
We found out in October that she was not clear for adoption, that was 4 months ago. Never when I mailed off paperwork, or reached a milestone, did I feel freely excited, I still just felt guarded. I wanted to adopt another child, I had strong feelings, that this was not our child, I shared with my husband and my best friend, over and over. I emailed RR to get information on several other children, I think all of them had DS. Hmmmm....
Hubby talked me into staying with Ella. I felt God telling me to listen to my husband and that although the road was not leading me where I thought I wanted, it was leading me and to stay on course. And still, I would read mostly the DS blogs, and still look at the waiting babies with DS. Learning more and more and falling more and more in love.
The morning they went to submit our paperwork for Ella, the day we found out that she was being adopted by a french couple. I was driving the kids to school, praying, talking to God, I was thinking gee I guess I was wrong, I guess she is our child. Then that afternoon I got the email, confirming that she was not. I spent the day laying in my bed, grieving.
After dinner we called the kids up onto our bed to share the news with them, my stomach was in knots, I did not want my children to be sad, I hate that. As my youngest, was crawling up to the bed, he said "I think I already know what you are going to say" I guess he's got a brother's intuition.
The next day I felt so lost, of course grief, but I did not feel mad. Strange right. We didn't know what we would do. Our paperwork would expire the next week. We either had to submit or redo most of our paperwork.
I did not feel lead toward any of the RR children. None of the ones we could consider anyways. Hubby still said no to DS, and we hadn't even put it on our homestudy. We strongly considered several other girls with a totally seperate special need.We actually told RR we wanted to committ to one of them. God shouted NO. Seriously you can think I'm strange, but I felt God shout at me, NO, that is not your child. We backed out the next day. That was Saturday. I had come to the conclusion that we must wait, I would redo our paperwork and we would just wait to see what we were supposed to do.
Every night after we lost Ella I had some very realistic dreams, Dreams I was holding a baby, a baby with DS.
Sunday while getting ready for church I broke down crying. My husband demanded I tell him what was wrong, I didn't believe in trying to talk him into something. That man tells me no very seldom, and I try hard to respect him when he does. I just kept telling him it was nothing, Then he held me and said I had to tell him, please.
So I did, it all came pouring out. He said he did not realize how strongly I felt. And that he trusted me, and for me to educate him on DS, and he would surely consider. I didn't have to educate that man on anything. His heart opened right there, I could tell that he felt the same way I felt. That all of a sudden we knew what to do.
I had emailed early that morning to get more info on several children with DS, torturing myself I guess.
Later that day when I opened that email, that had more pictures, we both fell instantly in love with our child. All felt right, no apprehension, no guard.We waited till the next morning to committ, and I felt so excited!!
I know all that happened fast, I may have judged you had you done the same thing.
We are on cloud 9. Ella has a family, the family God chose for her. And we truely believe we are this little girl's family. We are so in love, so happy, so excited!! And above all so BLESSED.
Now, maybe if you're nice to me I'll tell you what we are going to name her!!
This is like "Ella's place" Her picture is everywhere. I didn't really want to come here. But I want to explain what happened. First of all I felt guarded all throughout this process, not about the process but about Ella. Not putting up her bed, not posting on here to often, I had a certain gut feeling. But I knew God was leading us for a reason, so I followed. So, Ella was not meant to be ours. When I opened the email, I did not feel surprised at all, not sure why.
The email basically said that when they went to submit our paperwork this past Thursday (yep I didn't even post about that) that they had were told that a french couple had viewed her file, met her, and were moving forward with her adoption. ????????????
Well, see, most of the time when someone adopts from these EE countries, the traditional way to do it is to submit for a "blind referal" meaning your the one who is blind. You list the ages, special needs, gender, etc.. that you are wanting to adopt. The give you adate to come to the country and they show you a file.
Her file was supposed to be set aside for us when she cleared for adoption last month. Some law changed.
She was not our child, we are not angry. It can't be a mistake, God does not give people children by mistake.
We are sad and grieving the loss of the idea that she was our child.
What is next?
We are praying about that. We think we will move forward with for a different waiting child. You see our paperwork expires in a week and a half, so next week is the last week it can be submitted without me redoing a lot of paperwork. Not that I'm not willing.
So, we've got a couple ideas, but we won't be revealing them right now.
We are doing good, the kids are doing good. They don't want to give up and neither do we.