Friday, February 18, 2011

Ye of Little Faith

It has come to my attention that some people feel lead to judge us due to the fact that
1.we committed to another child so fast
2. that our new child has DS

Some of our family and friends seem to have no faith in me. Some of my family and friends act like they don't know. Like they don't know my heart, and that my family is of utmost importance.

So, although I don't feel like I need to explain, I will. Because I like our story and I think it's important.

How Did I First Become Interested In Learning about Down Syndrome?
Oh, well since you asked, let me tell you!! Over 2 years ago, I ran into this blog
This is my sweet cyber friend Bethany's blog.  She had adopted from St. Petersburg Russia and at the time we were in process of adopting Anastasia, I was obsessed with reading blogs. When I clicked on her blog, I found more than just an adoption blog, I found a blog about a family who had a beautiful little girl who happened to have DS, and they went all the way to Russia and adopted another precious angel who also happened to have DS. They are 2 of the most precious children ever, ( as is her son also) This was new to me, I knew little about DS and little about DS adoption.

It was her blog, that lead me to Reeces Rainbow. So know not only was I following many Russian adoption blogs, but also adoption blogs about families adding children with DS, and for many of them they were adding more to their own biological. I saw what a blessing these children were.

I made more friends, friends like Leah,

I followed her blog and she followed my adoption blog while we adopted Anastasia.
Then we brought Anastasia home, and I was very busy, happily so, training up our new child.

Then my husband Deployed
This was over a year ago. I spent many hours on Reeces Rainbow. Looking at children and reading adoption blogs. The majority of which were about childre with DS. I had talked to Gary about if he would ever consider adopting a child with DS, he said probably not.  OK Every once in a while I would send him pictures of a little girl I thought was cute. Every one of those girls got a family. I might add we were not even thinking about adopting any time soon.
Then there was a little girl that went by the name "Dawn" well, a baby actually, with mild CP. Our Ella!
We were comfortable with CP. I continued to show hubby picture of Ella. I asked him again about DS, again he said no. But yet I looked at all the waiting children, over and over.
Then hubby came home, and shortly after they posted new pictures of Ella, she had just turned 2. We had baby fever, we were comfortable with CP, we kept looking at her picture and we committed to adopt her. Our hearts were in it, totally I don't want to lead anyone to believe otherwise.

Mother's Intuition

Mother's intuition is a gift from God, and I believe in it. The entire time we were committed to Ella, I felt guarded, very guarded. I did not buy anything.  I did not get anything ready.  I made sure to tell the kids over and over again that Ella could be adopted by someone else and that then we would have to adopt a different baby. We knew this could happen. But why did my heart focus on it? And why did Cooper's heart focus on it? My 6 year old brought up again and again, I hope nooone else adopts her, over time it lead to him saying he thought someone else would adopt her!!

God's Timing, it's not ours, and that is what makes it perfect!

We found out in October that she was not clear for adoption, that was 4 months ago. Never when I mailed off paperwork, or reached a milestone, did I feel freely excited, I still just felt guarded. I wanted to adopt another child, I had strong feelings, that this was not our child, I shared with my husband and my best friend, over and over.  I emailed RR to get information on several other children, I think all of them had DS. Hmmmm....
Hubby talked me into staying with Ella. I felt God telling me to listen to my husband and that although the road was not leading me where I thought I wanted, it was leading me and to stay on course. And still, I would read mostly the DS blogs, and still look at the waiting babies with DS. Learning more and more and falling more and more in love.
The morning they went to submit our paperwork for Ella, the day we found out that she was being adopted by a french couple. I was driving the kids to school, praying, talking to God, I was thinking gee I guess I was wrong, I guess she is our child. Then that afternoon I got the email, confirming that she was not. I spent the day laying in my bed, grieving.
After dinner we called the kids up onto our bed to share the news with them, my stomach was in knots, I did not want my children to be sad, I hate that. As my youngest, was crawling up to the bed, he said "I think I already know what you are going to say" I guess he's got a brother's intuition.
The next day I felt so lost, of course grief, but I did not feel mad. Strange right. We didn't know what we would do. Our paperwork would expire the next week. We either had to submit or redo most of our paperwork.
I did not feel lead toward any of the RR children. None of the ones we could consider anyways. Hubby still said no to DS, and we hadn't even put it on our homestudy. We strongly considered several other girls with a totally seperate special need.We actually told RR we wanted to committ to one of them. God shouted NO. Seriously you can think I'm strange, but I felt God shout at me, NO, that is not your child. We backed out the next day. That was Saturday. I had come to the conclusion that we must wait, I would redo our paperwork and we would just wait to see what we were supposed to do.

Sweet Dreams

Every night after we lost Ella I had some very realistic dreams, Dreams I was holding a baby, a baby with DS.
Sunday while getting ready for church I broke down crying. My  husband demanded I tell him what was wrong, I didn't believe in trying to talk him into something. That man tells me no very seldom, and I try hard to respect him when he does. I just kept telling him it was nothing, Then he held me and said I had to tell him, please.
So I did, it all came pouring out. He said he did not realize how strongly I felt. And that he trusted me, and for me to educate him on DS, and he would surely consider. I didn't have to educate that man on anything. His heart opened right there, I could tell that he felt the same way I felt. That all of a sudden we knew what to do.
I had emailed early that morning to get more info on several children with DS, torturing myself I guess.
Later that day when I opened that email, that had more pictures, we both fell instantly in love with our child. All felt right, no apprehension, no guard.We waited till the next morning to committ, and I felt so excited!!

I know all that happened fast, I may have judged you had you done the same thing.

Noone lost

We are on cloud 9. Ella has a family, the family God chose for her. And we truely believe we are this little girl's family. We are so in love, so happy, so excited!! And above all so BLESSED.

Now, maybe if you're nice to me I'll tell you what we are going to name her!!


  1. Don't listen to the naysayers Cara, they will understand when that sweet girl gets home and they all fall head over heels in love with her. We struggled with the feelings of family and friends too, it was hard. But now that everyone has met her, they feel silly for being worried about us, worried about her. :)
    God is in control, and so many are praying for you and excited for your journey! CONGRATULATIONS ON NEW BABY NO NAME!(meanie!) :)

  2. Oh look how STINKIN' CUTE she is!!! YAY!! I am so happy for you... GO God!! And so happy that your hubby listened to you, and to what the Lord has for you!! Of course, I'm a little partial to littles with DS. hehe Sooo... what's her NAME?? Melissa is a great name... hehehe

  3. I wanted to tell you Congratulations!! It's a hard process, this adopting! The whole time we were committed to Dasha, and waiting to be submitted, and then to get there, I kept thinking about what would happen if we got there and she was unavailable to us. Thank goodness she's now here, but I thought about it all the time. And we would have brought someone else home. But it's awesome when it feels right!

  4. I was on the chat this past monday and heard your story. I just think that is so awesome that you have found your daughter. In God's eyes, it doesn't really matter if she is "perfect" in our standards or not, because in His, she is absolutely perfect. And best of all, perfect for your family. Your little girl is absolutely beautiful. And don't worry about all the negative comments. They will come around. :) The first two months of our adoption, we heard so many negative things, but the last 4 have been wonderful comments, everybody is so positive now, it's like they now see what we see. :)

  5. Awww, ok I had missed that all this happened! *sniff* So sweet ... so excited for you! I hope the uneducated and the judgmental ones go check out my blog. :)

  6. The day we committed to adoption, we committed to another little girl, and found out 4 hours later she was unavailable for adoption. The grieving is a process necessary, but very hard.

    Through the next week, God sent us referrals for Sarah, and we know now that she is the daughter God had intended. It has been a long, rollercoaster ride. We've seen miracles, we've seen heartaches. But, God has been with us every step of the way. I am so excited for you and praying for your next steps.

    Congratulations, hang on...
    P.S. Will you be traveling soon?

  7. Ok, I'm in a puddle of tears! Congrats, she is precious!!!!

  8. I think it is wonderful that you are adopting a child with DS! We have three typical bio sons, and adopted Darya (DS) in October. We cannot imagine life without her! She is such a JOY to all of us as I'm sure your new daughter will be! Congratulations!!

  9. I don't know how someone could judge you for deciding to bring home a child who desperately needs you!

  10. Your new baby is beautiful!! I love her eyes! Congratulations!!

  11. What a beautiful touching story,your baby is beautiful, thank you for sharing.

  12. Your little one is precious - what a doll-baby! She will thrive with all the love she will receive - and return - in your home. Congratulations!

    Susan in Ky
    Cousin to Two from U.

  13. Thanks for telling me to check out your blog! I rarely have time to keep up with people anymore (unfortunately!!), but I am so excited to see this news! You are very lucky you found out about Ella beforehand. It was devestating for us to be on a total emotional high, travel for 30 hours without sleep, then find out that WEEKS before our arrival Milana was deemed unadoptable yet we had no clue. At least you have time to prepare yourself for this sweet new child! It is such a loss to find out that you can't adopt a child you carried in your heart for months, and I hope you find peace. We still talk about our Milana all the time because she is still without a family, which breaks our hearts.

    Good luck with the process and the new committment! I am sure she will fit in wonderfully with your family!! I can't wait to know her name!! :)
    xoxo, Kari

  14. I happy to hear your family has finally found your daughter. People that make those comments have never adopted before so they do not understand. All that matters is whats in your heart. Can't wait to hear her new name.

  15. Cara, I'm SO happy for you! It is amazing how God has brought you and your husband on this journey. My heart broke for you when I heard you weren't able to adopt Ella. But God is good! Can't wait to follow your in-country journey. She is simply adorable. :-)

    Btw, do you have any t-shirts left? Lmk if you do - deut4.9 (at) gmail (dot) com. Thanks!

  16. I truly believe that things that are meant to be, will be. When I read your post about Ella being adopted by the French couple, I felt so sad for you, but at the same time felt that was Gods plan. Husbands can amaze us, when they know how we feel! Having a child with Ds is really not difficult! Every family should know the joy of having a child with Ds, right??!! Congrats and this little pumpkin is precious!!

  17. Of course, I don't think you have to "justify" your decision or "explain yourself". But, that being said, I enjoyed reading your story. I love to see God at work!

  18. I'm so happy for your family and for sweet, sweet Alanna. She is beyond adorable, Cara! I've been checking your blog to see which RR baby you had committed to ever since I saw the post about Ella being adopted by the other family. I was hoping there was another little one out there waiting for you, and I'm just thrilled to see you're going to be a mom to this precious girl! Won't it be fun to have some PINK in the house after all the boy stuff? LOL

  19. Congratulations! I am a fellow RR mom & my heart ached when you shared news that Ella had been adopted. Your Alanna is beautiful! I am blessed to have 4 children with DS through the miracle of adoption & she will bless your socks off!

  20. So excited for you! I related to your story so perfectly. It's amazing how you just know when something is meant to be. And by the way... You've got a good man. :)