Friday, June 10, 2011

My Disclaimer

A lot of times when an adoptive parent writes a post like I did yesterday they will get a nasty comment on their blog, something to the effect of, maybe you should not have adopted if you can't handle it, etc....
Then the person has to post a disclaimer, something to the effect of, I love this child, they are mine, I do not regret adopting them, etc..... Basically defend themselves. Why do have to do that? If a new birthmom is crying becuase she's having a hard time breastfeeding her newborn, or if a birhmom posts about their son with ADHD and how frustrating her day was, do we say to her, maybe you should not have had that child, NO!
I love my Lanna girl to the moon and back, there's your disclaimer.

Another thing I love is my online adoptive Mommy friends. What a huge resource of support of knowledge. As soon as one Mom found out I was upset about the stimming she offered to call me right away and lend her knowledge. It is like therapy talking to another Momma who can understand, truly I felt renewed.
So many different opinions came pouring in. I love different opinions!
Just a FEW of the things that helped me have a new percpective yesterday:
Alanna seeks out my love and attention, this is not typical of a child with autism
Brooke sharing that her adult brother with DS has always stimmed. Now he has a toothbrush that he lightly taps against his hand.
Another DS Momma sharing that her daughter stimms.
Those are just a few, everyone's comments, prayers, etc.... were so helpful. I have been holding in my worried for several weeks, I should not have done that, it was eating me up.
I had several Mommas thank me for posting it, saying they had either dealt with it or are dealing with it and were afraid to post about it.
That should not be the way we feel. The number one audience reading these blogs are other adoptive parents or hopeful adoptive parents. Why can't we be honest about our struggles. Doesn't it help us and others?
Alanna did not feel well yesterday, I'm sure that is why she was stimming soooo much, and it was just the straw that broke the Momma's back, you know how that is if your a Momma. This morning she is back to being herself, With lots of interaction and lots of stimming!! As long as we have the interaction I am a Momma with a happy heart.


  1. I am always glad to see families posting about the harder parts of their journey. First of all, it is a good way to get support - and we all need support especially during the hard times. Secondly, it helps other families see that they are not alone. Your post may encourage someone else to speak up about challenges they are having. Your honesty can help another family get the help they need to be successful!

    About the autism and down syndrome . . . it is very possible that you are seeing orphanage behaviors and sensory integration issues that can be addressed and diminish over time. But, if it does turn out that she has a duel diagnosis (like my daughter does) you can still connect and have a good relationship. Also, down syndrome and autism tend to kind of work together to minimize some of the harder symptoms of each. It's not an easy road but I do think that things will get better the longer your daughter is home - even if you do end up with this diagnosis (and hopefully you won't!).

    As I said in my other comment, please let me know if I can do anything to help or support you.

    Rachel Whitmire
    Post-Adoption Care Coordinator
    Reece's Rainbow Down Syndrome Adopiton Ministry

  2. I'm so sorry to hear that the enemy is trying to make you doubt how great our God is. You are amazing, I love reading about all the ups and downs you are going through. All aspects of parenting have difficulties.
    I've learned a lot from families and it appears this is common, considering the conditions in which you resuced your beautiful Alanna from. Keep fighting the good fight.
    God Bless,